The Challenging Child Toolbox: 75 Mindfulness-Based Practices, Tools and Tips for Therapists by Mitch Abblett

Author:Mitch Abblett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: PESI Publishing & Media

How (To Cultivate It)

The key is to set limits and to do so in a way that is highly attuned to the child’s feelings and perspective. Limit-setting is not about becoming an executioner. Caregivers are not to “drop the hammer” on clients. It’s not about crushing children under the weight of authority pressure. Again, these are messages of control and domination, and it suggests the care worker is merely looking to “win” by yanking hard at the rope. Remember, our brains are built for connection, but they are also wired with a lot of emotional “charge.” We spark each other, and acting out clients’ upset can, at a biological level, be “contagious.” Our error is to assume intent (via correspondence bias) and to react with rigid and reactive limits. Yet, limits are not going to teach new skills, and poorly set ones will teach lessons of coercion.

What is needed is limit-setting that flows out of a mindful focus. Caregivers who learn to monitor their own thoughts and emotions—to notice what shows up inside themselves and do so without knee-jerk reaction—can actually respond to a client’s difficult behavior. They can avoid “picking up the rope” and can lead the interaction toward something therapeutic. They may indeed set a limit, and it will have the following flavor:

“You have a right to be angry AND if you swear in class again, then you won’t be able to go outside to play ball for your break.”

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